Terry's adventures in Northtown
by captainspoon
Summary: Terry finds himself in an alternate reality, populated by screwed up versions of KOF fighters
1. Default Chapter

Terry's adventures in Northtown. Part 1.  
  
It should have been a normal morning for Terry Bogard, hero of Southtown, and world class fighter. He'd gone out drinking with his friends the night before, and gotten really drunk. As a result, he woke up now in a street corner.  
  
Terry- Aw man, that's the last time I drink. At least until tonight. At least I'm near the staion.  
  
He walks up to what should be Southtown's main train station. But instead, the sign reads "Northtown Central". Another sign for visitors reads "Welcome to Northtown, not a bad place to live."  
  
Terry- Northtown? What the hell's going on. We're in Southtown for fuck's sake.  
  
Confused, Terry simply stands and stares at the signs. At the same time, a scruffy looking hippy walks out of the station. There is something very familiar about the guy, his long red hair went up to a quiff at the front. He wore a black coat and red flares, carrying an acoustic guitar and a "Give peace a chance" sign. Terry takes a close look at the face, and is shocked to see... Iori Yagami.  
  
Terry- Iori! What the hell's up with you. What's all this shit with the sign and long hair! And why's the city name been changed?  
  
Iori (confused)- Hey man, lay off with the negative vibes. This has always been Northtown, and I'm here to protest against the violent KOF fighting contest.  
  
Terry- But you participate every year! You do really well, want to murder Kyo in cold blood, and did kill Vice and Mature.  
  
Iori- Kill, I'd never harm a fly. Man, I don't even eat meat or fish. And those women are still alive. Anyways, I'm here to stick it to the man, and deliver some "Riot of the love" to the pigs.  
  
Terry -Listen to yourself! You play in a death metal band...  
  
Iori- Death metal. No way dude. Jefferson Airplane for ever. That's more Athena's scene. She's one of them moody goths. Still, wouldn't mind giving her some free love.  
  
Terry- Athena a goth! What's with this place. What's happened to my Southtown!  
  
Iori- Southtown, never heard of it. Whatever you've been smoking, can I have some?  
  
Terry- Fuck this, I'm off.  
  
Terry walks away quickly. He then tries to find something familiar, and is pleased to see a sign for "La Illusion" King's bar. Only the sign is bright pink, and the window inside does not show a bar.  
  
Terry- A hairdressers! You've gotta be fucking kidding me. Since when does King run a hairdressers!  
  
Before he can do anything, King drags him inside. The whole place is pink and fluffy, with Britney Spears music playing. King herself is wearing a pink crop top with those thousers which only go past the knee. Her short blonde hair has pink highlights. She is bubbly and over excited.  
  
King- Another customer, Yayy! OK, what do you want. You're hair now's kinda boring. Let's try cornrows, or a perm, or...  
  
Terry- You're not touching my hair! What's happened to you! Where's your boyish, but still really sexy tuxedo?  
  
King- A tux! I'm a proper girly girl, not some tomboy. Any woman wearing a tux should be taken out and shot, isn't that right Vanessa?  
  
Vanessa, the assatant hairstylist steps out. She looks as girly as King, wearing a long skirt, and T shirt with "All this and brains too" written on it.  
  
Vanessa- Yeah. Shit, I'd never be seen in a suit and tie.  
  
Terry- But that's what you normally wear... (the women shove him into a seat). HELP! I don't want a shitty new hairdo!  
  
King- Yes you do. You just won't admit it yet. Now, get the TV on, Hooray, Sex and the City. I love this show!  
  
Fortunately for Terry, the girls begin to chat endlessly about the awful pile of shit on TV. This is all he needs to sneak out unnoticed. He runs off, not stopping until he's sure they won't get him. He is now standing by a construction site, and sees one of the builders sitting around idly. Although he has his hair down, and wears tattered jeans with a builers arsecrack, and his big hair is down, Terry can tell that this is Benimaru Nikaido. Beni is drinking tea, eating biscuits and reading a newspaper, he has not done any real work for three weeks.  
  
Terry- Beni, what are YOU doing!  
  
Benimaru- On me teabreak, piss off.  
  
Terry- Not that. How did you get a job as a builder.  
  
Benimaru- I can't help being a prettyboy, but I've been at this job for years. This same site too.  
  
We see a sign saying "Project due for completion- 1996" it is now 2003. That's builders for you.  
  
Benimaru- Do us a favour, and go get us a cup of tea. twelve sugars in mine. (see's a gothy looking Athena walk by) HEY DARLIN'! SHOW US YOUR TITS, LOVE! HAHAHA...  
  
Terry- Uh, yeah, sure. Walks off, leaving Beni to shout out more lewd comments at any women who walk on past.  
  
End of part one. Will Terry ever get home to reality? Who else will he meet, and how screwed up will they be? Find out sometime soon, when my therapy session ends. 


	2. part 2

Terry's adventures in Northtown. Part 2.  
  
Leaving the builder Benimaru to shout at any half decent looking woman, Terry walks a few metres before he hears horribly loud, repetitive dance music played from a car.  
  
Terry- Aw Christ. I hate this shit. Why do people in cars have the worst taste in music?  
  
He turns to see who is playing this rubbish. The car parks nearby and Leona and Clark step out. They are wearing colourful versions of their normal military outfits (since combats are fashionable with ravers), Leona wearing bright orange, Clark in purple and yellow.  
  
Terry- What's up with this? What kind of camoflage are those outfits supposed to give? Planning a raid on a neon paint factory.  
  
Leona- We're the Ikari ravers crew, and we're going clubbin'. DJ Ralf on the decks, eight hours of pure drum n bass. It's gonna be proper bo!  
  
Terry- Uh, what? You lost me there.  
  
Clark- All night bangin' tunes, speed, E's. You should come man. (takes a look at Terry) Second thought, no.  
  
Leona- No offence, but we don't wanna bring some grandad with us.  
  
Terry- Grandad! Right, that's it!  
  
He prepares to attack the ravers, but they outnumber him. Leona knocks him down, and both are ready to finish him off. however, the sound of a loud, repetitive car alarm distracts them.  
  
Leona- What's that?  
  
Clark- I like it! Big up the Ikari massive!  
  
Leona- Get down with our bad selves!  
  
To Terry's surprise, they both move closer to the alarm, and start a crappy, speed enhanced dance, whilst continuing with the stupid clubbing speak. This is all Terry needs to escape the loony ravers.  
  
Terry(about a mile later)- Thank fuck for that. The whole world's gone mad! Hang on, what's this...  
  
Across the road, there is a block of houses. At the door of one of them, Terry can make out a man looking a lot like his younger brother, Andy. Only this Andy is dressed in a skintight workman's outfit, and has a suspiciously fake moustache.  
  
Terry- ANDY! IT'S ME! YOU GOTTA HELP ME!  
  
Andy either doesn't hear, or doesn't listen. Instead, he rings the doorbell. The door is answered by Kasumi Todo in skimpy black lingerie.  
  
Andy(seductively) - Hi, I've come to fix the heating.  
  
Kasumi(just as seductively)- Come in. It's SOOO hot in here.  
  
Andy- I'll just get my spanner out... WHAT THE FUCK! TERRY?!  
  
Terry- Andy, don't tell me you got a job as a repairman.  
  
VOICE- CUT! The guy in the stupid hat's ruined our shoot.  
  
Terry turns to see cameras pointing at them, and an angry Tung Fu Rue in a director's chair, with a megaphone.  
  
Andy- See what you've done! I'm trying to film my next movie. And you know I'm the world's greatest male porn star. This won't help my reputation. Stupid fuckhead.  
  
Terry- Hold on! YOU a fucking pornstar. You're scared of women normally.  
  
Kasumi- You two look alike. Is this guy any relation to you, Lovemuscle?  
  
Terry- You're called Lovemuscle?!  
  
Andy- You should already know that. (to Kasumi) This is my jealous older brother Terry. A petty criminal who'll never be as successful as me. I had a restraining order put on you.  
  
Terry cannot beleive this one. Him, a petty crook in this reality, and Andy's inferior. As he stands, too stunned to say anything, Tung approaches the group.  
  
Tung- Might as well call it a day. Since this prick ruined the filming.  
  
Kasumi- Free time. Hey, Lovemuscle. Wanna come back to my trailer?  
  
Terry- What about Mai Shiranui?  
  
Kasumi- She's a frigid bitch. Don't know what Lovemuscle sees in her?  
  
Andy- Shut up. She just needs convincing, and I'm the man to do it. Besides, have you seen her boobs? Even that nun's outfit can't hide her figure? A real man like me'll cure her in time. (pulls off the false 'tache)  
  
Terry- Nun's outfit. No, don't tell me...  
  
A police car suddenly pulls up, and out step a huge, fat cop with a steel ball+chain, and a pint sized lawman with claws. Oh yes, it's Chang Koehan and Choi Bongue, incorruptable upholders of justice.  
  
Choi- FREEZE SCUMBAG!  
  
Terry- Who's he talking to?  
  
Chang- You wisearse! (picks up terry one handed). Gatecrashing your brother's new movie, is their no end to your evil?  
  
Choi- With aall your other crimes, you're going away for a long time.  
  
Terry- Other crimes?! I've been in Southtown!? I'm a hero...  
  
Chang- Tell it to the judge... YEOWW!  
  
in desperation, Terry kicks free of Chang, before using a "Power Geyser" to KO the policemen. He then runs like hell out of there.  
  
Kasumi- So what do ya say? You, me and one of the fluffers in my trailer right now?  
  
Andy- Yeah, I can fit you in now. I've got a reputation to keep. Come on bitch, time for the Lovemuscle experience.  
  
End of part two. Will Terry escape Chang and Choi for long? What exactly is the KOF tournament like in this reality? Find out soon.  
  
Must go now, as the voices in my head are telling me to do bad stuff. 


	3. part 3

Terry's adventures in Northtown. part 3.  
  
Following his escape from the law in the unlikely forms of Chang and Choi, Terry is looking for somewhere to lay low for a while. A mile away, he sees a huge crowd of people queing up outside a small community centre. He sees his best friend Joe Higashi, but this Joe is wearing a brown tweed suit, bow tie and glasses. He also carries a briefcase.  
  
Terry- What's all this for? Lot of people here.  
  
Joe- You don't know? This is where KOF is held. Now, I know what you're thinking. What's a university geography lecturer doing here...  
  
Terry- No. I was gonna say why's KOF being held in this little place?  
  
Joe- Oh honestly Terrence. (Terry resists the urge to strangle Joe at this point) Everyone knows there was supposed to be a large stadium, but those darned builders are STILL building the foundations. Seven years after the project was due to be finished. Ah well, I suppose not everyone can be as hardworking and studious as I am.  
  
Across the street, we see Benimaru's building site. It is this KOF stadium that he is very slowly "working" on. His co worker, (Robert Garcia in dusty dungarees) pushes a wheelbarrow with two bricks in it.  
  
Robert- Boss says we gotta do some real work today, or we're out. So I figured if we laid a brick each we'll be OK for a month or two.  
  
Benimaru- Steady on! We got hours yet. More important things to do. Those women aren't going to shout lewd comments at themselves now, are they.  
  
Robert- Suppose not. Tea?  
  
Back at the crowd, and they are going inside the small community centre. Terry abandons this boring version of Joe to find somewhere else to sit.  
  
Terry- There's a seat... (sees a manic looking King behind it, weilding scissors) fuck that, let's try here.  
  
He finds himself next to Heidern, who actually looks just like the normal Heidern from Terry's reality.  
  
Terry- You're stuck here too. Thank fuck for a familiar, normal face...  
  
To his horror, Heidern is not the normal version. This one gets up and starts singing the words to Electric Six's "Dance Commander". Terry runs off screaming as Heidern is joined by Leona and Clark. In the ring, the first fight starts. The announcer is there, along with a nervous looking Kyo Kusanagi, K' and K9999.  
  
Announcer- Ladies, gentlemen and anything else! We've got a great few fights for you tonight! First up, we have a team of... what are your names again.  
  
Kyo- I'm Kyo Kusanagi, and these are K' and K9999. Damnit.  
  
Announcer- Yeah, whatever. A trio of nameless wannabes!  
  
K'- HEY!  
  
Announcer- And their opponent tonight, on his own as he killed his teammates. He's dangerous, phsycotic, mean to small children, but Athena really likes him, give it up for... SHINGO YABUKI!!!!  
  
Terry- WHAT!! SHINGO PHSYCOTIC?!  
  
Shingo makes his way to the ring. This world's Shingo wears a military drill instructors outfit and hat, and has none of the Shingo humour and friendliness we know. "Debaser" by the Pixies plays as his background theme tune.  
  
Shingo- What's this shit? Who are these nobodies? I'm gonna kill them! Rip their limbs off, eat their intestines, take their video cards and run up massive fines, then put their skulls on my mantlepiece! And then I'll really hurt them, and...  
  
Announcer- Uh, OK. ROUND ONE! READY...  
  
Before the announcer can start the fight, Shingo has already murdered all three of his opponents gruesomely. He holds one of K9999's legs between his teeth and Kyo's head in his hand. Moody goth girl Athena has entered the ring and hugs him adoringly.  
  
Announcer- Guess this makes Shingo the winner. (to Shingo) Could you make the fight last a bit longer next time please? (announcer then vomits uncontrollably)  
  
Terry- JESUS! Fucking hell, this isn't Mortal Kombat!  
  
Nameless Extra- Fights aren't usually this gory. But Shingo's a war veteran, cage fighter, ex school bully and part time state executioner.  
  
Terry- Guess I'll stay for the next one then.  
  
Shingo and Athena have left the building. The announcer is about to call the next fight, when Iori steps into the ring with a large banner saying "SAY NO TO KOF".  
  
Iori- This violence is wrong! Why can't we all live in peace, love and harmony with joints and prog rock records? Come on everybody, let's all stage a walkout. Show the man that we're not gonna take all this aggression and bad vibes.  
  
No one joins his anti KOF protest. Iori is either booed or laughed at.  
  
Vanessa- Take a bath you dirty hippy!  
  
King- He could look alright in some tighter trousers, instead of those shitty flares. And cut that long hair.  
  
Vanessa- Not having that hippy in the salon. Wanna have a girl's night in after this?  
  
King- Yeah alright. I just bought the Meg Ryan DVD collection.  
  
Vanessa- YAYY! Meg Ryan.  
  
Terry- Oh for fuck's sake. The world's gone mad. I'm the only sane one here.  
  
Iori is still having no luck with his protest. Then, the competitors for the next battle enter. Two teams of three, the first made up of sister Mai Shiranui, a fully clothed nun armed with a small crucifix, Angel as a feminist student in a shapeless duffel coat and wide trousers and Shermie with short hair, tattoos in equally figure hiding overalls. Their opponents tonight are the insanely popular Team USA. They enter to the song ""We are family. I got all my sisters with me"  
  
Angel- I wanna dedicate this fight to women everywhere. You too can be successful without resorting to cheap sex appeal.  
  
Mai- For it is ungodly to flaunt thy nearly naked body to the public...  
  
Iori- You can still leave girls. Before people get hurt.  
  
Mai- But the Lord has no problem with thine violent brawling.  
  
Shermie headbutts him, as the USA team enter. All three are dressed like extras from a western. Lucky Glauber as a bandit, Brian Battler an all American cowboy and Heavy D! in native American style clothing. The theme from "The good, the bad and the ugly" plays for them.  
  
Lucky- It's high noon. I think. Anyway, you got the guts to go three on three with me and my hombres.  
  
Angel- Love to, but this hippy bastard is interrupting things.  
  
Brian- He is. (to Iori) We don't go for that crap back in Texas.  
  
Iori- This is all wrong. Let's go and talk things through over a bowl of mung beans. You can still be saved. Or you'll all get the Riot of the Love.  
  
The fighters, and everyone else burst out laughing at him. Iori carries out his threat, spazzing out, shouting, and... that's it. Sod all else happens.  
  
Heavy D!- Was that it?  
  
Mai- And the Lord sayeth, thou shalt kick thy hippy scum's head in!  
  
Whole Crowd- YEAH!  
  
Terry- What now?  
  
All six fighters gang up on Iori, and mercilessly beat him. The interfering hippy doesn't stand a chance against them.  
  
Terry- Right. That's it. I've had all the madness I can take for a day, I'm off. Fuck Northtown.  
  
End of part 3. How did Terry end up here in the first place? Can he escape? Do my readers still care? Find out, as soon as I work out where to go with this story. I'm back at work, so new chapters will come a bit slower than I'd like. 


	4. part 4

Terry's adventures in Northtown- part 4.  
  
After leaving the KOF arena, Terry wanders aimlessly around the town, trying to work out where to go next. He still cannot escape the weird sights and people of this warped city.  
  
Terry- This place is fucked up completely. I wanna go home to Southtown, back to Mary, back to everyone celebrating how great I am. Back to... What the hell?  
  
He hears shouting across the road. Turning around, our hero see's Fatal Fury fighter Bob Wilson addressing a small crowd of black ghetto types. Bob is dressed up something like Shaft, with the Black Power symbol on his T shirt.  
  
Bob- For too long, brothers, the black man's been kept out of KOF! Always the lowly staff, never the fighters...  
  
Terry- What about Team USA! They were fighting now, and everyone loved them?  
  
Bob- Shut up white boy! Them Wild West niggers sold their souls to the man. They don't count. And Duck King, started off black, came back to Fatal Fury as a white jazzman! I say we march onto the KOF officials and demand they replace everyone with REAL black gangstas from the hoods! Imagine it! KOF with crack, hip hop and drive by shootings...  
  
Terry can't help but laugh at the thought of Duck as a jazzman. He then leaves Bob to his crazed rantings and tries to work out what to do next. Sick of walking, he tries to hitch a ride somewhere else, hopefully saner. He gets nowhere for three hours until a large yellow bus (like American kids go to school in) stops right by him. The words "Happy Happy Fun Club" are written in huge letters on the sides.  
  
Terry- At last. I've been waiting ages for a ride. Where are you heading.  
  
The driver is a sight that even here, Terry never imagined could exist. It is Ryuji Yamazaki in a brightly coloured floral shirt, straw hat, shorts and his normally phsycotic grin just looks stupid. Everyone else on the bus is a young kid.  
  
Yamazaki- Hop on board stranger. We can fit you onto the Happy Happy Fun Club bus. Me and the kids are off for a day out in the country.  
  
Terry- On shit...  
  
Yamazaki- I'll have to ask you not to use naughty words in front of the kiddies. We got room for you on the bus, since we had to leave one little girl behind due to her "little problem". You can sit next to young Rock there.  
  
Rock- Can we have a singalong on the way?  
  
Terry moves to sit next to little Rock Howard, a preppy, enthusiastic boy, and THE most annoyingly wholesome child this side of Disney. The bus begins to drive again.  
  
Rock- Hi, I'm Rock Howard, and I'm a good kid. Wanna be my friend?  
  
Terry- Do I have a choice?  
  
Rock- Not really, we're all friends here. That's Uncle Ryuji, the club leader those are Dong Hwan and Jae Hoon (Dong looks like one of those stereotypical school nerds, Jae the sort of kid you used to see smoking in the toilets during class). Her name's Hotaru Futaba (a skater girl with dyed hair and baggy clothes), that's an extra without a name, that's...  
  
Terry- What about the girl with the "little problem".  
  
Rock- Oh Kula. She's our friend too, but she likes to set things on fire. Like houses, parks and social workers. Uncle Ryuji says she's disfunctional and a pyromaniac.  
  
Yamazaki- That's right. Her mother had her sent to the Northtown home for the mentally disturbed. We're passing it now I'll show you... OH GOSH! What has she done this time?  
  
They see a large, scary looking old building completely up in flames, and Kula outside it in hospital clothing with orange hair. Even the entrance sign to the building is burning. Kula is dancing around with a can of petrol and matches, laughing. The Happy Happy Fun Club bus drives off quickly. Her mum Diana lies tied up and gagged, unable to end Kula's insanity.  
  
Kula- HAHAHAHAHA! Look at all the pretty flames. It's beautiful  
  
I love the smell of burning. No more fucking loony bin ever. Fire in the disco, fire in the disco, fire in the... Taco Bell! I'm the firestarter, twisted firestarter... (sees staff running away from the fire) Aww, don't they like my pretty fire? Embrace the flames!  
  
Some distance away, the bus goes on. To escape the tension, Yamazaki is leading a singsong with everyone joining in except Terry, who can't stand it.  
  
Yamazaki- Ten thousand nine hundred and fifty three green bottles...  
  
Kids- Hanging on the wall, ten thousand nine hundred and fifty three green bottles...  
  
Terry- Make it stop. I can't take this song.  
  
Everyone else- And if one green bottle, should accidentally fall...  
  
Terry- Then you'd have to stop singing forever. (looks out of the window) Hey, what's happening there?  
  
Rock- (looking out too) Hey Dong, isn't that your daddy?  
  
Yamazaki- Uh oh. Don't look children. It's nasty.  
  
Parked by the road is a car, with Kim Kap Hwan and his (far as I know) nameless wife standing outside, in a scene of domestic violence. Kim is dressed like a skinhead (whie shirt, red braces, jeans, big boots), and has "Hate" tattoed on one fist, and "ACAB" (All Cops Are Bastards) tattoed on the other.  
  
Kim- You stupid bitch! (SLAP!) Can't you read a simple map! Can't you do ANYTHING right! (SLAP!) No wonder I go to May Lee now for sex, look at you. No wonder Dong and Jae turned out shit! (about to slap, when a police siren distracts him).  
  
Chang+Choi- Freeze arsehole!  
  
Kim- Uh oh. (trying to play innocent) Hello officers. Wifey and I are enjoying a lovely day out. These bruises on her came from... uh, a fall. Yeah that's it.  
  
Choi- A likely story. We've tried it all with you. restraining orders, fines, community service...  
  
Chang- So, much as it pains us to do this, I'm afraidr the only soloution is a long vicious beating from us.  
  
Kim(terrified)- Please, not that...  
  
On board the bus, the kids are watching despite Yamazaki's instructions. Dong and Jae hope their hated father is seriously battered, and that's exactly what's happening. Chang smashes Kim's head with the iron ball whilst Choi claws at his belly. To finish off, Chang leaps into the air, and dive bombs the already half dead wifebeater. Wifey Kap Hwan is now very happy and releived.  
  
Choi- And let that be a lesson to you. We'll keep this up when your in prison, until you either die, or learn the true meaning of justice.  
  
Dong Hwan- Daddy's being arrested for good this time.  
  
Jae Hoon- And savagely beaten every day too.  
  
All kids- HOORAY!!  
  
Yamazaki- Uh OK, he was a naughty man. Let's carry on the trip shall we kiddies?  
  
Hotaru- Yeah, I wanna go to the countryside. It's nice.  
  
Yamazaki- Alright then. Who's for a game of I Spy on the way?  
  
Terry- Aw sweet fucking Christ. No!  
  
Everyone else- YAYY!!!  
  
Half an hour later, and Terry has had it up to here with strange sights, and more importantly games of I Spy. Thankfully, the trip ends, and everyone gets out.  
  
Yamazaki- Now kiddies, we're in for a day of fun in the outdoors. Just remember the rules now.  
  
Kids- No pooing in the woods, no attacking animals bigger than us...  
  
Yamazaki- And no trespassing on land belonging to Lord Billy Kane, and his lovely socialite girlfriend Blue Mary.  
  
Terry- WHAT!! MY MARY WITH... HIM!?  
  
Yamazaki- You didn't know? They've been going out six months now.  
  
Terry- Mary's my girlfriend!  
  
Hotaru- No offence, but you don't look rich enough for Mary.  
  
Terry- What does that mean!?  
  
Rather conveniently (the magic of shite fanfics, work with me) The group spot Lord Billy in the distance, wearing a suit and using his Kane as a walking stick, with Mary by his side, wearing the sort of dress you'd expect on Liz Hurley. Behind them is Lord Billy's butler, Geesey.  
  
Billy- Geesey my good man, remind me again. Are we the richest people in Northtown still?  
  
Geese- Of course, M'Lord.  
  
Mary- Don't be silly. Of course we are. You and I practically own the city, isn't that right Geesey.  
  
Geese- Of course Ma'am.  
  
Terry- NOOOO! ANYTHING BUT THAT! NOT MARY TOO! NOO!  
  
Yamazaki- Whatever's the matter? There there...  
  
Terry- I WANT TO GO HOME! AWAY FROM THIS SHITTY REALITY! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANY MORE...  
  
He falls into an "Elias's death scene from Platoon" pose. On his knees, arms streched out over the head.  
  
End of part four. How will Terry get out of this reality? Has he finally lost it? Can he at least lose the Happy Happy Fun Club? Find out in my next bizzare episode soon. 


	5. part 5

Terry's adventures in Northtown- part 5.  
  
Having seen Mary as the girlfriend of Billy Kane, Terry is still experiencing a mental breakdown. Although he knows it's a bad idea, he can't resist going up to them in the next field. One small blessing is that the Happy Happy Fun Club have buggered off to have fun in the wilderness.  
  
Terry- MARY! Not you as well! What are you doing with this guy?  
  
Billy- Who's he, Mary? How does he know your name, he looks, common.  
  
Mary- Oh him. He tried to mug me once, and I broke both of his legs. You'd think the filthy poor person would learn his lesson by now. (to Terry) Get a job, tramp.  
  
Terry- That's a lie. That's... (remembers Andy telling him Northtown's Terry is a petty crook)  
  
Terry cannot beleive this one. Not only is Mary with Billy in this reality, she is also a snobby rich bitch. He once again falls into the "Elias's death scene from Platoon" pose.  
  
Billy- Geesey, if he's not off my land in a minute, kill him. I'd do it, but I've dinner at Sir Jack Turner's and don't want to ruin the suit.  
  
Geese- Very good m'lord.  
  
Mary- Billy, let's go home now and make love in that new four poster bed you ordered.  
  
Terry- WHAT! I did not need to fucking hear that.  
  
The impossibly rich couple leave. Terry knows he's beaten and leaves before Geese kills him. A while later, he runs into the Happy Happy Fun Club again. They are all sitting around a campfire.  
  
Rock- Hey, stranger guy. You're just in time for a campfire and singalong.  
  
Terry- Uhh...  
  
Yamazaki- It's no trouble at all, friend.  
  
Dong Hwan- Yeah, join us. You haven't seen my brother have you?  
  
Terry- Uh, no. (coming up with a lie to escape the singalong) I'd, you know beeter go find him. You know what the countryside can be like...  
  
Yamazaki- Please. You might scare them.  
  
Using the pretence of finding Jae Hoon, he runs off as they begin singing "Kum Ba Yah". He actually sees Jae sitting alone holding a laptop behind some bushes. He is also puffing on a joint.  
  
Terry- They're looking for you. What you doing with that?  
  
Jae Hoon- Who cares about a singalong when I brought hardcore porn to watch.  
  
Terry- Let's have a look.  
  
At first, it's all good, as he sees a nude Chizuru Kagura and Yuri Sakazaki engaged in things I can't go into depth about here. Later however, the girls on screen are joined by none other than Andy "Lovemuscle" Bogard and the scene really hots up as all three get it on.  
  
Terry- Fuck me! I don't wanna watch my own brother doing it on film. You carry on kid, I'm going.  
  
More aimless wondering, and Terry is having serious doubts about ever getting home to Southtown, and being an all round success again. All of a sudden, he sees a large, bright, flash of light. A few seconds after the light, a small public toilet cubicle materialises out of nowhere, accompanied by old Dr Who sound effects.  
  
Terry- What the @#%$... Does this happen often here? Aw Jesus, it stinks of shit... huh?!  
  
The toilet opens up, and out steps surviving NESTS wannabe leader Krizalid, followed by Angel, NESTS resident bimbo. These are their usual, recognisable Southtown versions.  
  
Angel- You didn't actually have to recreate public bog smells, did you.  
  
Krizalid- Realism is important here.  
  
Terry- OK, do you mind explaining WHAT exactly is going on here? How did you two fuck ups get here to this reality? I want answers, and I want you to take me home.  
  
Angel- Tell him about our evil plan, boss.  
  
Terry- What evil plan?  
  
Krizalid- Yes, our evil plan. You see, this is NESTS, well, what's left of us's newest invention. A reality crossing, time travel toilet.  
  
Terry is confused. So is Angel, but that's normal for her.  
  
Krizalid- With it, we can travel to any alternative universe, or send anyone away to one. It was us who sent you here, and our ultimate goal is to send all the KOF good guys, and anyone else we hate here, and RULE THE WORLD! The world being our own one, just to explain.  
  
Terry- But how did you get me in there?  
  
Krizalid- Remeber going out drinking with everyone. You left them for a few minutes to go for a piss. We conveniently left this waiting for you, warped you here, and warped ourselves back. You were too drunk to notice anything wrong.  
  
Terry- He goes on a bit doesn't he?  
  
Angel- Tell me about it. He say's long winded speeches are a big part of being a villain. So's gloating at our enemies while telling them our plans, which is the only reason we came back here.  
  
Krizalid- That's right. Ready, evil laughter time.  
  
Both baddies begin to laugh, loudly in the style of Dr Evil from Austin Powers.  
  
Krizalid- This is only my first step to world domination.  
  
Angel- Good idea to test it on K9999 first, and leave him in some godforsaken reality forever. He was soo annoying.  
  
Krizalid- Imagine, me, king of the world, you, my ever willing sex object...  
  
Angel- HEY! You said I could be a queen! (cries)  
  
Krizalid- That was pillow talk. I didn't mean that.  
  
Terry- But aren't you, you know, gay Krizalid?  
  
Krizalid- I'm not gay! What happened between me and Zero was purely innocent, friends, nothing more.  
  
Terry- I heard you did a striptease for him on his birthday. And that you were both into Elton John, and...  
  
Krizalid is angry now. Angel is laughing her perfectly shaped arse off.  
  
Krizalid- Shut up. It's not important. What is is that we'll ship everyone here, and conquer the real world without any hassle. And get my vengance for the death of dear, sweet Zero.  
  
Terry- Yeah right. You'll be beaten again, like you always are. Gotta say though, this plan's better than your last one.  
  
Krizalid- Don't remind me. Trying to annoy fighters into submission with the cheesiest Bee Gees music. What was I thinking?  
  
Angel- I like the Bee Gees?  
  
Krizalid- Shut up. You're NESTS sex appeal, you're not allowed opinions. Go stand around in provocative poses again.  
  
Angel does as she's told and stands there looking sexy in a variety of poses.  
  
Terry- A toilet? Who uses a public toilet?  
  
Angel- Bill+Ted and Dr Who had phone boxes. We needed to be original, that's what the boss says anyway.  
  
Krizalid- I'm warning you...  
  
Terry- Enough of this shit. You don't take me back, I'm hijacking that toilet by force! Well!  
  
Krizalid- Just you try it.  
  
Will Terry get back to Southtown, and does he realise how stupid hijacking a toilet seems? Will Angel keep taking her boss's crap? And who DOES use a bloody toilet anyway? Stay tuned for the final chapter, soon. 


	6. part 6

Terry's adventures in Northtown- Part 6.  
  
Terry, desperate to hijack the time travel toilet, wastes no time in preparing for battle. Krizalid is also ready, having burned his big coat off like in his KOF 99 intro. Angel is watching, not really interested.  
  
Krizalid- I have GOT to stop doing that. Those coats aren't cheap you know, and this is my ninth one.  
  
Terry- Who cares? Die you wannabe evil, sexually confused fucking fruitcake!  
  
Angel- Go get him boss! Or should I support Terry?  
  
Taking advantage of Krizalid's distraction, our hero aims a boot to the madman's head. It connects, and Terry follows this with a Burning Knuckle, knocking him over.  
  
Krizalid- Come on, that wasn't fair! I wasn't ready.  
  
Terry- Gay people can't fight! What were you gonna do, beat me with your handbag?  
  
Krizalid- I don't have a handbag!  
  
Angel- Yes you do. I borrow it, it's pink and...  
  
Krizalid- Not mine! My darling Zero left it to me in his will. What are you doing with it anyway bitch!?  
  
Terry- Enough about your stupid handbag... AAAHH!  
  
The self denyingly gay bad guy nails Terry with one of his Tornadoes.  
  
Krizalid- That'll teach you to make fun of Zero's precious bag. Now I'm gonna finish you!  
  
Krizalid speeds towards Terry ready to perform his DM. Terry has no way of avoiding it, and braces himself for a world of pain. But...  
  
As the villain is about to connect the move, the truly surreal sight of a flaming shopping trolley racing downhill towards them stops the brawl. Even more bizzare, this highly dangerous trolley is being ridden by Orochi girlyboy Chris, here wearing just his underpants, and a pair of aviator shades Many small scars are visible all over his body.  
  
Terry- What the fuck...  
  
Angel- Aw Christ...  
  
Chris- YEEEAAAAAAHHHHH!! WOOOOHOOOOHHHH!!  
  
The trolley crashes straight into Krizalid, knocking him over.  
  
Krizalid- You stupid prick! What the hell are you doing!  
  
Terry- Chris, is that you? Why are you riding down a hill in a burning shopping trolley?  
  
Angel- Why's there a camera attached to the trolley?  
  
Chris- This is a stunt for my cable show "Dangerous shit what could get you killed". You must have seen it, me and a few friends doing dangerous crazy stuff.  
  
Terry- Uh, we're not from around here.  
  
Chris- Well tune into the next one. It has me tightrope moonwalking over a crocodile pit, while filling in my tax returns. Cool, huh? Anyway, I better go.  
  
Chris gets back into the trolley, and Angel gives him a push. Krizalid is ready to attack again.  
  
Krizalid- Right, now that he's gone...  
  
Terry- You're going down, and I'm going home. "POWER GEYSER"!!  
  
Due to Terry's stress at being stuck in Northtown, he has built up an impressive amount of power, and three Power Geysers come out, max strength. Krizalid has no chance as each one connects brutally. After flying about a hundred feet up into the air, he crashes down very hard, and is practically half dead.  
  
Krizalid- OWWW!!! Zero, save me, my love. Angel, why the hell didn't you help? UUHHH!  
  
Angel- Because I quit. NESTS has been dead for ages, and you still try and do half arsed evil stuff.  
  
Terry- Well, you, two have fun in this screwed up reality. I'm getting myself home. See ya.  
  
Angel- Take me back too.  
  
Terry- No.  
  
Angel- I'll sleep with you on the way.  
  
Terry- Mary'll kill us both if you do.  
  
Angel- Oh, right. How about I give you $5000?  
  
Krizalid- You don't have $5000.  
  
Angel walks up to him and takes his wallet. She removes $5000 and hands it to Terry. Also in the wallet are dirty photos of him and Zero.  
  
Terry- Done. He stays here though. Let's go.  
  
Angel- Sounds good to me.  
  
They both enter the time travel toilet, which unlike Dr Who's Tardis, is tiny inside, has an actual toilet, and stinks like a public bog. There is a control panel however, and Terry works out how to set it to take them home. The Dr Who sound effects start again, as they cross many realities. Faint images of those realities show on a computer screen, and include evil Athena and her crew, as well as the Holy Rollin' Goenitz.  
  
At last the creaky old sci fi sounds stop as the toilet reaches it's destination. Southtown, home sweet home, normality. Both Terry and Angel get out, say their goodbyes, and go to leave, glad to get away from the smell. As this isn't her story, we'll forget about Angel now, and follow Terry, who is on his way home.  
  
Before he goes however, Terry destroys the thing with another Power Geyser. He then makes his way back home to his friends, as their real selves, his mind attempting to think of a way to explain exactly what the fuck has gone on last couple of days.  
  
In Northtown meanwhile, Krizalid recovered enough to walk, but was apparently killed by Shingo shortly afterwards.  
  
The end, after a longer than expected wait ("At last" they all shout). Thanks to everyone who helped with ideas, and everyone for your patience as I went through personal problems and had to put this on hold. 


	7. credits

Terry's adventures in Northtown- credits.  
  
Much as I'd like to, I cannot take full credit (or blame) for this fanfic. Members of the KOF online forum have helped out along the way, giving me a few ideas as I've gone along.  
  
Many thanks to. (cue overly dramatic drum roll)  
  
Ninjitsuwolf69- Wife beating thug Kim.  
  
Second Shell- Chang and Choi as cops.  
  
Sailorvenus25aino- Kid friendly Yamazaki, workman Benimaru, sort of.  
  
Everyone else at KOF online forum, fanfiction.net and Little KOF rpg, for reading my stuff, giving me nice comments, and bearing with me when I put the story on hold due to personal problems (job loss, court). Yes, that means YOU as well.  
  
Rancid, whose "Fall back down" single has taken a new meaning for me recently, and is a bloody great tune anyway. Come on everybody, join in "If I fall back down, You're gonna help be back up again, If I fall back down, You're gonna be my friend."  
  
SNK/Playmore, who give us KOF in the first place, allowing me to write this pile of crap.  
  
Family and friends who've helped me out recently.  
  
No thanks at all to.  
  
My old job, for leaving me unemployed and broke for a while.  
  
The local magistrates court, for my fine.  
  
Eolith for the fucking dreadful KOF 2001.  
  
This fanfic is dedicated to the late, great P Rock music channel. God, I miss it in the mornings. Especially the Tsunami Bomb video with the sexy Agent M. 


	8. alternative ending

In a recent email, ninjitsuwolf asked if I'd thought of doing an altetnative ending for the story. I hadn't thought of it before, but it seemed an interesting idea, especially as he reminded me we'd not seen Northtown Terry, only been told about him. So this is a "what if" ending, not the real one, assuming the real Terry got stuck in Northtown. So, without further ado, here it is. Terry's adventures in Northtown- the alternative ending.  
  
Krizalid has managed to coonect his DM and batter Terry completely. There was no last minute save by Chris in a burning shopping trolley. Krizalid now stands over the beaten Terry, gloating.  
  
Krizalid- Ha! that'll teach you to mess with me and insult the lovely, manly Zero. We'll be off now, and if this works out, we'll be dumping all the other good guy fighters here too.  
  
Angel- And then we'll rule the world! The real one that is.  
  
Krizalid- Angel, shut up. I'll rule the world. You'll still be an overworked underpaid servant. Bye Terry!  
  
The bad guys get back into the time travel toilet, Angel now crying. To the sounds of old Dr Who effects, the time travel toilet disappears into thin air.  
  
Terry- Shit! I'm stuck in this nightmare now for god knows how long! Here in Northtown where everybody's weird and nobody appreciates how great a hero I really am. What am I supposed to do now? Wait for Zero's gay lover to shove everyone else here too!?  
  
Not knowing what he's meant to do at this point, Terry decides to make his way back to the city. He walks back to where the Happy Happy Fun Club were camped out. Seeing them all asleep in their tents, our hero allows himself a rare moment of doing something bad. He breaks into the club's bus, and hotwires it, leaving Yamazaki and the kids asleep.  
  
Terry- See ya guys. No way I'm bringing you lot with me, especially with the singalongs. Let's see what CD's they've got. (looks at the few CD's in the glove compartment) 30 Campfire greats, crap. Children's favourites, don't think so. Duck King's greatest hits, what the...?  
  
Looking at the CD cover, he see's a short haired blonde guy in a sharp suit and shades with a saxophone. This is Northtown's Duck King. He is also, noticably, a white man.  
  
Terry- So in my reality, Duck goes from white to black, here he's white, and probably started off life black.  
  
He finally reaches the city, and feeling hungry stops outside a 24 hour convenience store. Terry walks inside, and sees the clerk idly watching a music video, a loud punk group. Looking at the screen, Terry sees that it's Kensou and Bao, only Kensou's dressed up like Tim Armstrong from Rancid, with the studded jacket, hat and tattoos. Bao looks like Lars Freidriksen, complete with red mochican, and bat tattooed under the chin. Kensou is the main singer, and sounds like he lives off cigarrettes, they are even doing Rancid's "Fall Back Down." The video ends, telling us that the group are called "Gone off". Terry goes up to the counter with a few items, and is surprised to see that it's Hinako working at the counter, in one of those conveninece store uniforms.  
  
Terry- Hi, I wanna buy these.  
  
Hinako- Yeah, hang on. I'm busy.  
  
Terry- No your not, now get a fucking move on.  
  
Hinako- Don't you tell me how to do my job...  
  
Male Voice- YEEH HAAH! Freeze Motherfuckers!  
  
Female Voice- We're armed!  
  
They are interrupted by three people walking in, two male, one female, armed with shotguns. They are dressed kinda like typical rednecks, and the leader wears an outfit like Mickey from Natural Born Killers. A closer look at the lead thug's face reveals that this is Terry Bogard, the Northtown version, in his own mind at least, America's last great outlaw. He looks a lot rougher, dirtier and unkept than our normal Terry. His partners are Kevin Rian and May Lee.  
  
Bad Terry- Give us all your cash now! And while we're at it, how 'bout a bottle of Southern Comfort.  
  
May Lee- We could use some smokes too, boss. And can we get this pack of extra large Doritos?  
  
Bad Terry- Good thinking. (to Hinako) Now don't try anything stupid, I'm a mean outlaw, a desperado, who'd kill you for any little thing. I'm on Northtown's most wanted list  
  
Hinako- Yeah, at number 3087. I heard of you.  
  
Kevin- Hey, they got the new Andy Bogard video.  
  
Bad Terry- I told you before. We don't like Andy Bogard videos. He thinks he's so much better than me, his big brother.  
  
Kevin- But the world's hottest porn stars are always in his films.  
  
May Lee- It's family jealousy.  
  
Bad Terry- Will you two shut up. We've got a robbery to do.  
  
The heroic Terry has been watching this, and now decides to step in, even if only to finally get some service. He faces off with his Northtown equivalent.  
  
Good Terry- Will you no hopers piss off. Before I really do some damage to you.  
  
May Lee- Oh look. We got us a hero here.  
  
Bad Terry- Do you have any idea who you're messing with. I'm Terry Bogard, the legendary outlaw, and this here's my posse. Hey, wait... you gots my face.  
  
Kevin- Is he one of your other brothers?  
  
Bad Terry- Can't say for sure. Never did find out who my momma was. Since your here, you might as well give us your wallet.  
  
Good Terry- I'm warning you, I've had a really screwed up day. Mess with me, and I'll take it out on you.  
  
Bad Terry- Is that so. Time to die, hero! Shoot him guys. He done went and messed with the wrong desperado. YEEH HAAH!  
  
The three robbers aim their guns at Terry and open fire. Despite being only a few feet away, they miss with every single shot. The posse hit boxes, the counter (but not Hinako) and manage to make a jeep (their own) flip over outside. They are worse shots than the A Team, and they run out of ammo quickly. The good Terry wonders how they could suck so much, when he remembered people telling him that Northtown's Terry was a loser.  
  
Kevin- We missed him. He ain't dead.  
  
May Lee- We never hit anybody with these things.  
  
Bad Terry- I ain't beat yet. POWER GEYSER!  
  
The bad Terry punches the floor in front of our hero and... a few little sparks come out. That's it, a Dan Hibiki like special move. The real Terry is laughing out loud, before launching his own fully powered up Power Geyser, knocking his bad self up into the air, before crashing into the frozen food section. May Lee and Kevin are now terrified.  
  
Bad Terry- OWWW! UGGHH... (slips into unconciousness)  
  
Good Terry- So who's next? Huh. Come on.  
  
May Lee- This always happens. We ain,t had a successful crime since we took Bao's wallet two years ago.  
  
Kevin- That's not right. Bao beat the shit out of us.  
  
May Lee- Oh yeah. That's my point, we never win. I'm quitting crime, getting a nice safe office job.  
  
Kevin- I'll quit too. Go back to college. Finish my degree. I was only doing this for the thrill anyhow.  
  
Bad Terry's equally inept henchpeople run away, screaming their heads off and promising to go straight. Hinako still sits there idly, as if nothing happened.  
  
Terry- Think I could have some service now?  
  
Hinako- I could'a handled it. Last week those hairdresser girls, King and Vanessa even kicked their arses no trouble.  
  
The good finally paid for, Terry walks out, trying to work out what he's supposed to do next. He no longer needs the youth club bus, so simply leaves it. He is now resigned to the fact that he's stuck here until he can hopefully find a way out. Or at the very least until friendly faces from Southtown find themselves here with him. Terry thinks that, until then maybe he'll just wander around getting into fights and having adventures in this bizzare place.  
  
Later on, the evil Terry recovered enough to walk, and attempted to mug Vice, who in this reality is a shy, timid social worker. Despite her pacifist nature and timidness, even Vice beat seven shades of shit out of the legendary outlaw in his own mind, shoving his shotgun right up his arse.  
  
The end. Again. In a what if it happened instead of the real ending kinda way. 


End file.
